Pre-Meeting Troy Jitters

Have been with Amy for little over a year now and am to meet her brother in law, Troy, tomorrow. Am feeling just a bit jittery, like a teenager about to meet his girlfriend's family for the first time. Swept and mopped all the floors, foyer, kitchen, bathroom, shook out and/or washed out the carpets and such Even washed and dryed all the laundry and changed out the bed and bathroom linens. Want to make a good first time impression.
I shouldn't be jittery. Have met her sister, Denise, and nephew, Mickey, some months ago and they come and visit. Mickey even stayed for a month or so. Still I can not help but to be as jittery as a schoolboy!
Guess this relationship is getting serious, real serious. I love Amy and am committed to her. I'm not afraid of committment. I am afraid of marriage in any sense of the word. But it wouldn't be right to not marry her. That would be the good and right thing to do. I shouldn't be afraid of marriage, but after being married to dana for 17 years, I suppose I am a case of once botten, twice shy.
Domestic partner wouldn't be right for Amy, she's better than that. Way better. I'm still fucked in the head and traumatized from being married to Dana and dealing with my children. Don't want to just run off and get married but don't want to lose a good thing either.
Friend of mine emailed me about finding myself, another says I need alone time before I jump off into another relationship. That I should not have hooked up so quickly with Amy. That I need time to heal and all that. I don't know.
I don't know anything. Amy and my daughters do not get along. The housemate thing works and then doesn't work. Truth is I've never had it so good before, no matter the bullshit. Another truth is, it's not a destination but a journey. I am enjoying the journey more now with Amy. I do enjoy my alone time, even though I miss my children just as much. It's all about finding a balnce and letting go and love and all that.
Love is a many faceted word. I love my daughters, but they will have to make their choices and take their own lumps. They are my first priority, just how to make them aware of that as they continue to grow. I love Amy and want to live with her, but I'm not the easiest to love or live with, neither is she at times. I still love Dana, just refuse to live with her or share any thing else with her. I've already given her enough. Perhaps too much. The sex was good, I really do miss that. Sex with Amy is good also. Am unable to go around basing by relationships on sex alone though, that's not healthy.
The big question is, do I love myself?, Do I love me? How do I love me? That sounds like a poem in the works. Will have to write that down to work on it later, along with all the other projects I have on perpetual hold.
Am now off to polish off the bookshelves my grandfather made and to pick up around the house some more. Am supposed to meet Troy tomorrow at noon at the taqueria. At least I'm not drinking excessively.