No Absolution

Some two and a halve months now post divorce as I write this and am still trying to get my life together. Still havn't gone back to taekwondo, new school owners, new staff, different crew all around. Am still not working out regularly or reading or doing anything I had really planned. Not writing poetry. Nothing's going according to plan.
Made an appointment with my local parish priest, Fr. Tom Ponzini, in an effort to right myself with the church. No real go there, not yet. His idea is for me to either reconcile myself with Dana or to move out of this house into a place of my own and then to start over with Amy. That is perhaps how I should do it. That's is perhaps how I would do it had I the funds. When I explained this to him, he suggested one of us sleep on the couch or in another room. Amy sleeps on the reclining love seat in the blue room up front a lot. She looks awfully uncomfortable there asleep, but she says she sleeps well. I sleep in the bedroom. Alone, the way Fr. Tom has prescribed. That's one small victory.


Am supposed to be pursuing an annulment. I truly do not know where to start. It's the only way if I am to get myself right with the church. according to Fr. Tom and the roman Catholic church, I am still married to Dana despite a civil divorce. That is true if I am going to keep calling my self a Roman Catholic, even a poor one. So Amy and I live in a state of mortal sin and we are unable to receive Holy Communion. Unfortunate for me the church was not married to Dana, I was, and the church did not live in our house, no one religion did. Not even the first united methodist church.

Am still in therapy with Malone, so are the girls although somewhat stingily. Victoria immerses herself in work, school, extracuricullar activities, and her social circle. She is the most angry of the three. Judith is similairly keeping herself busy. She is most loyal to her mother and she keeps her emotions inward. I only see Judith and Stephanie over every other weekend. Stephanie is the most resilient and seems to have adapted the easiest. Victoria and Judith are not on the best of terms with Amy, but Stephanie does love Amy dearly and shows it the most. So I do not see much of Victoria. I do call the girls almost every other day and I email them. Mostly I leave messages on there voice mail as they do not answer their cell phones always. Sometimes they call, but only if they want or need something.
But life goes on. I relish the peace and quiet, am a lousy house mate to my fellow house mates, and still I go to mass and I pray the rosary daily. Sometimes I make it down to the gym or the public library. I do the yard work and I pray and I plan. Trying to act a little more and sit around less. Some days are better than others and I continue to seek an absolution.