Going Through A lot Of Shit Right Now

Short and sweet, I'm in a world of shit, deep shit. My insides are tore up in a storm of emotions and passions. I'm sad, angry, upset, cheated, really down and that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. At least I'm not suicidal, homicidal, hating or have started drinking. Well the drinking may come later on. My marriage is a wreck. Has been for some time now, years. Every one knew it but me. No, I knew it, I was and am still in some sort of denial. Kubler-Ross said it best, anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Well, I'm all fucked up inside and maybe finally being honest with myself for the first time in a lot of years.
Late last month at my daughters therapy appointment, I broke down and cried out for help. I openly asked the therapist if she did marriage counseling. The good therapist that she is, she did some immediate damage control and is now starting to see both Dana and myself individually. Stephanie, our 8 year old is doing well and she was her original patient. Way to go, baby, go to therapy for your ADHD, have your dad break down, cry for help, and cut you loose from therapy. You'll be fine, you're daddy's girl!
Dana has already started individual therapy, I start next week, she goes to a doctor about her issues she's just now addressing and I fear I'm heading for divorce court. You think I'm fucked up now, just wait a month and see how really fucked up I'm going to be in a month or two down the road.
Didn't want to start to therapy but I'm not about to ask Dana to go through with therapy and I not do it myself. As far as I'm concerned, what's good for the goose is good for the gander and I will not ask her to do anything I have not nor will do. The one who I wanted to start therapy, real therapy with is a priest, Fr. Frank, and I am unable to get a hold of him, or to get him to return my calls. Want a lifesaver, a real lifesaver? I know him, he's a fat italian priest in Houston on a harley and he is God's walking talking angel of mercy and a real life rescuer. I know, I'd have been dead years ago if not for him and his counsel. May just have to drive up there to the rectory. I know where he is.
Am unhappy, very unhappy with my marriage. She's not working out of the house, I'm working two jobs, and feel the entire load is on my shoulders alone. For many years have felt that the marriage has not been a true partnership, 50/50, 100%, or any other way you want to cut it. I'm a firm believer in till death do us part and for better or for worse, I really mean it, but I am unable to continue living with this woman.
I don't know what happened, I do know that for many years we have been like prisoners locked up, if we're not fucking, we're fighting; if we're not fighting, we're fucking. I know, I work in a prison. Anyway I am tired of fighting with her, I'm tired of arguing with her all the time, I'm tired of living two separate lives under one roof, of working all the time with no support, of living paycheck to paycheck, of not saving anything. I'm tired of being tired.
I'm ready to live what's left of my life for my children and for me one day. Will have to do something about my children. They're OK but it could be so much better. It's as if I have 4 children in my house. My three daughters and their mother! I'm not going to go there or anymore deep this entry, maybe next month.
Right now I have to unfuck myself and get my shit together. God help me because He's all I feel I really have right now. I am in world of shit. Feel Like I'm at the bottom of a well trying to claw up the sides but I keep sliding down deeper. What the fuck!