Finally Earned My Black Belt

Yesterday, in a private testing with our instructor, we finally earned our first degree blackbelts. It was my wife's third attempt and she was as excited as school girl on the first day of summer. I took it all more philosophically. It was my second attempt. After practicing and polishing up forms and board breaking techniques I finally got up there and screwed it all up again. I don't know what it is but every time I get up there with my wife, I fuck it up. My board breaks I did get on the first attempt this time. I think that was the main reason I no changed my first test. If I had kept it all to the schedule everyone else does I would have had my blackbelt in the late winter or early spring. Of course I'm not everyone else, I am only myself. My instructor called me up just as I was coming out the shower preparing for the test and asked me if I was ready. Ready, I don't know the meaning of the word. I do know anyone, anytime, anywhere, and I do know that no inspection ready unit is ever combat ready and no combat ready unit is ever inspection ready. I live my life by these two adages because I have personally experienced them. Ready she asks, if I were ready about anything in my life I'd have not ever progressed out of diapers or even my mother's womb. I don't know the word or probably ever will. Ready is one of those states one probably experiences on their death bed as they are just about to die. Anyway, I have my blackbelt, Dana has hers and life goes on.

Latest Happennings

Here it is the end of October almost and it has been a busy month. Dana and the girls went up for their black belt test and no changed. That's a nice way of saying they didn't make it. I went up for it last week and I no changed myself. Unlike Dana and the girls I just didn't do three forms, I opted to do all nine. I screwed up the last three of the nine and took three attempts to break the last station of the board breaks. Dana and Judith didn't break their last station. I don't remember how they did on their first attempt. This was their second black belt test and my first. Now we all go up together again the middle of next month.
Victoria fucked up her knee at the end of September. Allegedly, she was doing cartwheels on the hard tile surface at the mall. I didn't see it, I was walking in front of them when it happened. Her sister Judith isn't saying and Victoria won't fess up only saying that she felt her whole knee cap shift out of place. When I heard her crying, I thoght she was just screwing around. She stayed at home the next day and the following day we took her to the doctor. They sent her to an orthopedic specialist nad he say s the cartilage is damaged behind the knee cap. Victoria underwent a knee scope last week to remove some small slivers of loose cartilage and to have some holes drilled behind the patella to help facilitate blood flow to heal what cartilage remains. She's hobbling about on crutches now.
What pisses me off about the whole thing is that she was out fucking around doing cartwheels on a hard surface. If it had happened in taekwondo their insurance would have helped. If it had happened in volleyball, there would have at least been witnesses. Now I'm out 350 dollars and that's with the insurance. As if I had 350 to laying around. At least she's okay and that's what's important.

House Party B-B-Q

Hosted a B-B-Q yesterday, my first in 15 years or so. The last time I did this we weren't married but a couple of years and we invited my inlaws. It was a January or February and it was a cold sunny day so we were all cooped up inside. This time I did much better.
Invited a group from work and their friends and a family from the taekwondo school we're with. Actually this is a sort of summer house party series we've been doing with people from work. One of us will host the get together, every one brings something, and we sit around drinking beer, eating, shooting the shit, playing card games and scrabble and such. I invited my taekwondo instructor and some people from the taekwondo school to even out the guests. Mostly it's just people from work who show up at these things. The takwondo instructors didn't show but one of the families did and they brought this delicious bean dip and cheese/sausage sauce.
I marinaded two briskets overnight, one in italian dressing and the other in teriyaki sauce, wrapped them up in several layers of aluminum foil, threw them on the fire ring out back over some charcoal and some scrap wood and six hours later the meat was tenderly tearing up on a fork. I also boiled up a big batch of beans seasoned with onions, tomatoes, bell peppers and garlic powder and pepper and oregano and parsly. The rice came out a little sticky. Everyone raved about the food but the real star was my mothers homemade tortillas.
I had made a batch of masa the night before but my mother was not satisfied with it, I had used self rising flour. The tortillas were coming out crispy and not soft, a cardinal sin committed moments before the firsts guests were supposed to be showing up. She through me out of my own kitchen, flew out of the house bought some all purpose flour and whipped up homemade flour tortillas. They were to die for. Between the tender juicy brisket and her tortillas and cooperative weather, it was a good time had by all.
The last guests didn't leave until 2:30AM or s0. I'm not used to staying up all night like that, even though I work nights. I'm beat today and spent most of the day napping and snacking off the left overs. I drank beer and wine last night but not to excess so no wicked hangover to nurse. Sucked back a couple of coronas left over from last night and picked up the backyard. Everything back to normal.
By far the worse part was getting everything together and motivating Dana and the girls to clean up the house. Once people started showing up it all flowed smoothly. Can't wait to do it again. Next time I'll start earlier and have everyone out early so I can relax or I'll just fire up the fire pit for us here at home on a weekend. Staying up to 0300 is for the birds. I just don't do that all the time. After everyone had burned off I laid out a moment thinking in my hammock. The stars are really pretty in the early morning quiet and no more self rising flour for my tortillas.

Back To School

Today my children returned to school. There is a quiet in the house, a peace for just a little while until, Dana, their mother returns home and pierces it with the TV or the computer. She, more than myself, is more than happy to rush them of to school this morning. It's difficult for Dana to be with her own children for more than a day and the summer vacation can be a pure hell for her.

I don't know why, but for some reason, Dana has difficulty dealing with her own children. Perhaps it's because she's a full time stay at home wife and mother or perhaps it's her own up bringing or perhaps it's that perfectly normal part of growing up in which teenage daughters naturally butt heads with their mothers? I don't know, I do know I spend a lot of time outside in my garage and I do not get to watch much TV or work on the computer or relax in my own house unless Dana and the girls are gone.

Back to school time for me is time to spend with Dana alone for a few hours. We may go to a book store or the movies or out to eat or just stay home and fuck, but it's time together and alone and it's valued. She won't get physical such as riding a bicycle or go for a run or lift weights or work out in the yard or garage and that's what I want her to do with me. Now she'll go back to her routine, drop the the girls off at school, come back and read the paper, have a cup of coffee, rot in front of the TV until she has to get them at 1430. She may get some house work done or go to the library or a bookstore; but, unless we do something together, this is her routine.

As for myself, it's life as usual. I'm used to her routine and to what she values. I'm used to her and that's what can actually be a bit scary. I can almost predict the way of her day. I get up in the morning, or the afternoon if I have to work, and I am on God's good graces. Not that Dana isn't, but it seems we each have to make our own self and our own happiness and it has to come from within. A really nice trick is to balance it all out with the ones we love. If we can, if we're able.

In other news, my brother has moved away to Jasper, Texas with his girlfriend Kaylie. She and her daughter are also starting school today. The most important men in my life are all going away it seems. My father moved out to New Mexico a year or so after my grandparents passed on, my maternal grandfather in a nursing home in Pasadena because Mary, his wife, can't care for him, and now my brother out in east Texas. Yesterday, before he left we shut off the electricity and the water and turned off the gas at the valves and now the house is truly empty.

It's a different emptiness from what I remember after my grandparents had passed 8 years ago this year. The emptiness then was more inside of me because I knew the house would be filled again by my brother. This emptiness is different, there's no one to fill it and the house actually seems dead. No life there except for my memories. It's an empty shell next door housing my brothers things and he says he'll be back in a couple of weeks or a month but I know better.

He's gone for a good long while and it's up to me to cut the grass and to keep the place until he returns. He says he'll pay his own taxes and bills and I hope and pray he does because owning your own home is important. I don't want him to lose it to the tax man or to let it go or to sell it. I hope he knows what he's doing. He even took the cat.
The cat is old, at least 12 maybe even 16, and he or she has been an outdoor fixture of the house and that property for as long as I can recall. Since before my grandparents died. When my brother would go on trips or away for more than a day or two I'd go over and feed it and check on the house and make sure that everything was ok. Now there is no reason to go over. The cat is gone, Mark is gone and I am left with an empty feeling. So I cut the grass for him and parked my truck there so it looks like someone lives there still and maybe to leave just a hint of life.

15 Years at UTMB

Today is the 21st of july and I'm home in front of my computer after working the night shift. I want to post these thoughts while they are still fresh in my mind. Yesterday, the 20th of july, marked my 15th anniversary at UTMB. Had I been asked 15 years ago where I was going to be today, I wouldn't have had an answer. Had it been suggested 15 years ago that I would remain at UTMB this long I would have laughed at the folly of the thought. My original plan was to spend 2-3 years here, get my degree and move on. After all, my father was a "30 year man" and retired from UTMB.
I remember, as I was growing up, how he would come home after a rough night or day on call. I promised myself to not ever work "for the state". I would not ever work at UTMB in any capacity.
Funny how life can turn on a dime and how easily promises to self can be broken. I was married barely a month or two when Dana told me she was expecting our first daughter. I immediately called my father and asked if he could arrange a job interview for me. My life was about to really change in a matter of just a few short months. I was to become a father myself and that meant real responsibility, a real job, health insurance, retirement, and other such job benefits. No more part time job bull shit. My world was about to end as I knew it and a new one was about to begin. Less than 2 months after my start date, Victoria was born at UTMB in Galveston.
Her sister, Judith was born november of 1993 and Stephanie was born february of 2000 there also. Consequently I have not ever separated myself from "the state" for more than a month or two since. My fate is as good as sealed and it looks like I'm to become a "30 year man" as my father. The Lord doth work in mysterious ways.
I would not ever imagine following in my father's footsteps so closely. Well not exactly so close, my father is an x-ray tech and I'm a nurse, he's been married and divorced 2 or 3 times and I'm still married to Dana. My father remained in the same building for 20 or more years and I have worked between Galveston, Texas City, and prison infirmaries all over southeast Texas.
As I type this, I'm thinking about my father and all the changes he has seen over 30 years and all the changes I have seen over the last 15 years. I'm proud and happy to say we actually were employed for 5 or so years together although in different departments and shifts. We know a lot of the same people, some of who have known me since I was a child. Many have retired as my father has and today only a few remain. We have worked with a lot of great people over the years.
It's so incredible how much we turn out like our parents no matter how hard we try to not become like them. In the end we can not escape our ultimate fates and a part of those fates is to assume some of the mantle of our parentage. Either we do it because we become parents ourselves or because we grow in wisdom or for whatever reason, some things we are unable to escape from.
I'm looking forward to the next 15 years, God willing. I drove out of the parking lot this morning thanking God for my little job and for these last 15 years and the years to come as He sees fit. It's all in His hands. I take comfort in this knowledge.

I Lament

This family is on the verge of exploding. We're talking major meltdown here in my house. I have two teenage girls trying to find their place in their world and the seven year old with an attitude from hell. Toss in their mother who really doesn't want to do anything but sit in front of the tv, the computer, or bury herself in her books and we have one hell of a potentially explosive situation which will make the Chernobyl disaster look like a backyard barbeque mishap. I'm fucking losing my mind here in my own house! No peace and quiet, no love; just constant arguing, bitching, shouting, and such. Sure they do the taekwondo thing - when they want , sure Dana goes to choir practice weekly and to her parents house on Sunday with the girls - but they come back with the same poor attitudes. My only deliverance this summer thus far is when my brother's girlfriend, Kaylie, takes them out to the beach or the mall or the track.
A lot of it has to do with these girls not getting along with their mother. It's supposed to be a normal part of the developmental process at this stage but this is ridiculous. My older two girls are at the awkward ages of 14 and 13, not little girls anymore but not quite grown women. Their sister is seven and picking up on how to push mom and dad's buttons by watching her older sisters. The mother, Dana, is stressed out by all this and now it's to the point where it's getting to our sex life. Sex used to be the one pressure relief valve we had between us, but not anymore. We lock the door when we're fucking, but earlier this month Victoria, our oldest, took it upon herself to unlock it with a butter knife as Dana was giving me a blowjob. We told her to get away from the door as we heard her knocking but she opened it all the same. I know my girls are curious and that's the scary part of being a father right now. I pray daily, sometimes twice or more daily.
Maybe if we had a bigger house with each girl having her own room? Maybe if we had money so each of us could burn off in our own separate direction for a little while? I don't know. What I do know is my little two bed one bath house is a fucking pressure cooker with a faulty release valve and the pot is starting to steam. I even look forward to going to work because now that's where I get my only dose of peace and quiet and that's in a state prison!
The positive note about all this is that my oldest girl, Victoria, is taking a little more interest in what her daddy does outside in the garage. I taught her how to ride the riding mower and she cut the grass out by the railroad tracks all by herself with just me watching from the fence. Last sunday, I had to work on her mother's car and change the oil and such on both the car and the truck and she came out and took a fleeting interest in what I was doing and asked a few questions and put two quarts of oil in the truck for me without spilling it all over. That's daddy's little girl!
My middle daughter, Judith, has always been my shy, demure, quiet one. She's more content with computer games and the tv and took no interest in learning how to ride the riding mower or any interest in what daddy's doing out in the garage except for playing with the cat outside. She's taking up after her mother and that's starting to scare me. I'm not pushing the matter but she's my more inward girlie type out of all three of my girls.
My youngest, Stephanie, is hell on wheels with a bad attitude and my only salvation is my brother's girlfriend Kaylie and her six year old daughter, Erin. Now Stephanie has someone closer to her own age to play with and they get along fabulously. Thank God for Kaylie and her little girl, Erin.
Last weekend I took Victoria and Judith with me to visit my grandfather who's in a nursing home in Pasadena. My mother came along also and it was actually a pleasant day out. No drama, no bullshit, everyone behaved and my grandfather got to see my older two girls and they got to see the last of my living elders. Victoria and Judith were actually very sincere in their affections toward their great grandfather and they behaved accordingly. I provided moral support for my mother and drove to and from the nursing home as my mother doesn't like to drive in Houston traffic. When my mother's around all three of my girls behave well or maybe they're afraid she'll string them up by their toes if they misbehave?
My mother has always been the strict disciplinarian, as were her parents when she was growing up, and I see a lot of my parenting style reflecting my mother. When I'm out with my girls without their mother it's usually an OK trip without any drama or bullshit. When I'm with my girls at my brothers or sisters house it's usually a pleasant trip.
Anyway I have to get off this computer and move my ass, it's been a lazy day for me and I havn't accomplished anything today. Next month, July, I'm planning to teach my two older girls how to drive. Let's see how that goes!

Peace and Quiet

I'm not asking for much, just some peace and quiet. It's a damn shame but I have to go to work to get some occasional peace and quiet and no drama. In my house, my very small two bed, one bathroom, house there isn't much peace. My wife is loud, the girls are loud, they fight and bicker and complain. I know very little, but I do know I don't have to shout to be heard and that loud plus loud or noise plus noise doesn't equal peace and quiet.
It's really so simple, just peace and quiet, no TV, no stereo, no computer. How more simple can it get? I think Thoreau had it all figured out right, go off alone for a while with just a little and your spirit and God. Jesus must have told His disciples something along those lines, Jesus Hisself would go off in a qiuet and peaceful place to be alone with God. There has to be something said for just the sounds of nature and being alone without all the crap we add to it.
I remember reading about a young American monk in a monastary in Egypt who related one of his first experiences after his arrival. He said that when he first was surrounded by the peace and the quiet it was loud, loud like a rushing wind. The loudness wasn't anything external, it was all the storm that was in his self, deep within his self. The noise of what he was so used to and from where he was from and what he had become, waiting to be calmed. He wasn't even aware of the storm within until he found himself surrounded by true peace and quiet. I can only imagine such an experience.
In my life, I am content for the peace and quiet of Sunday mornings. It's so beautiful, no wife, no children, no TV, no stereo, just me, the Sunday paper, a cup of coffee, and God. Sometimes I won't even go to church because even church can get too loud. I'll just sit in my own house and relax. It can be so calm here. Last Sunday I actually did go to mass, then I came home to peace and quiet, made myself some breakfast, read some, washed the truck in and out, cut grass up front and back and even lifted weights in the evening hours. I was just so pumped up from the peace and the quiet.
Sometimes even church can get too loud I just wrote. Want to get good with God and feel His presence. Go to an empty chapel or an empty church when no one is around and just sit there. You don't even have to pray, just sit still and breathe. I love it and I can remember the first time I really felt it. I was in the Navy stationed in San Diego at the hospital and one day I just dropped into the empty chapel to pray. Since then I have made it a point to visit churches and chapels when I come across them.
It's sad that many churches lock their doors unless there is an actual service because of vandals. However if you come across one go in and just sit still and just breathe. One of my favorites is St Mary's Basilica in Galveston, another is the chapel at UTMB. I make it a point to stop into the chapel of UTMB at least once during the shift if I work there. Hospital chapels are great because they are, for the most part, open 24/7.
In Houston I love stopping into the Rothko chapel, the Byzantine frescoes chapel and the chapel of St. Basil on the campus of the University of St. Thomas. They're all within walking distance of each other and the walk and nearby coffee houses and book stores and museums and art galleries all make for a great way to spend a sunday or any day off. Just go and recharge, I've taken my family before. Sometimes my wife and I will go by ourselves but the best times are when I take just my girls and we sit and actually talk. We'll really open up to each other in ways few other times will allow.
Must be dashing along now, have to get ready for work and such. Life goes on. As I type this little bit I am alone in my house, no TV or stereo or anything. The girls and their mother have gone off to taekwondo and I am at peace with just the windchimes and my thoughts and a calm like the calm before the storm. More to follow on that later.

Second Real Taekwondo Tournament!

This entry comes a little late as I'm just getting back online. The computer had to be upgraded and then I had to deal with tech support and get a connection back up, so for about a month we've been off line - no internet. It's amazing how little one can live with, that will be the subject of another entry one day.
We went to our second real taekwondo tournament in Humble, Texas in med February and our skills have improved significantly. I don't recall how my wife and children placed, except for my youngest daughter, Stephanie. I watched her compete in the tiny tigers division and she place first in forms and sparring. I'm so proud of my little girl.
My first two girls , Victoria and Judith placed in forms and sparring, I just don't recall what exactly. My wife Dana placed in sparring I think. I placed second in sparring and third in forms this year. There were three of us competing in the 30- 39 year old age bracket.
My classmate, Mike Ghirardi, most certainly the more passionate taekwondo student of the two of us, placed third in sparring. He went up first against the guy he sparred last year this same time from Louisiana; we call him "the jolly green giant" because of his size. He towers over Mike and myself at well over 6 ft. The gentlemen I sparred against last year did not compete in sparring but I did speak with him. He said his knees were giving him problems and he was working with a lot of special needs children this tournament. I really was looking forward to going up again against Jack to redeem myself for last years fiasco. It was good to see him.
Mike went up first against the "jolly green giant", then it was my turn. After the dust settled, Mike placed third, "the jolly green giant" placed first, and I came home with the silver in second place. Much better than the third place I came home with last year and I didn't get knocked down this time. I came right at him, forced him out of the ring once and almost knocked him down once. This guy kept me back with the sheer length of his arms and legs and I would try to exploit any opening I could and try to use my size and body mass against his speed and superior skill. There's next year and my sights are set on coming home with first place in my age division.
This August I turn 40 and when I return next year I will be the youngster in my division of 40-49 year olds. I hope to come back with first in forms and sparring. The age difference and better attitude, and by then I'll have my first degree black belt and my continued training should bring home the gold. I'm really looking forward to next year and I'm trying to hone my skills under the very skilled and young Mr. Diego Salas. Oh to be 23 years old again!
Anyway more on my taekwondo journey as things pop up. I am now a instructor trainee and am hoping for my instructors collar. As of this writing we are first degree recommended black belts - the red/black belt. Victoria remains at red belt and Stephanie is green belt in the tiny tigers division. The journey continues and more to follow with later postings.

Physical Fitness Training Routines II

Seeing that we're all on the physical fitness bandwagon and such, here's one routine I found on the internet. I don't recall the exact site but I believe it was www.crossfit.com. It's called "the Murph".
Murphy was the name of the US Navy officer and an avid triathalete who is attributed to be the developer/inventor of the routine. Sadly Murphy gave his life in the war on terrorism in Afghanistan a few years ago and his comrades posted the routine on the internet in his honor. This much I do remember reading on the website and in at least one physical fitness magazine. I'll have to pay better attention to my sources in the future.
The "Murph"
One mile run followed by 100 pull ups, then 200 push ups, then 300 squats. Wrap up with another one mile run. The pull ups, push ups, and squats can be partitioned in sets of 10 or 20 or whatever just so long as you do 100 pull ups, then 200 push ups, then 300 squats. No particular order or sets, just get them done. No time limit either and simply start and finish with a one mile run. No weights involved save our own body mass and no special equipment required save a good pair of well cushioned running shoes.
200 push ups and running a couple of miles are not a problem for me, however I have yet to attempt 100 pull ups or 300 squats. I used to pump out 200 plus basic push ups with one of the guys at work before I picked up taekwondo. We'd do a pyramid routine of starting with 20 the first set, then 19 the next set, then 18 the next set and on down. Now to get down to the hardware store for a couple of bags of sackrete and a couple of 4X4's to set up a pull up bar in my backyard. I've been wanting to do that for some time now. Enjoy!

Physical Fitness Training Routines I

I've been wanting to post these routines and ideas for some time now and just didn't make time for it until now. Most of it is simple common sense. I've employed these concepts for years. Until July 2005, my physical fitness routine was divided between aerobic and anaerobic days. Monday, Wednsday, and Friday were aerobic days of either running, cycling, or swimming. I toss in raquetball if I have access to a court. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays were anaerobic days of just lifting free weights. Sunday was a rest and recover day. Since July 2005 I've started studying martial marts, ATA style taekwondo, and now it's a whole new ball game.
Martial arts and training for martial arts can and has become the core of my workout routine. I rarely lift weights or run or swim or cycle anymore. One gets enough exercise if one just shows up for an hour or two or three of class and the physical training it entails. I've kept my weight to a steady 210-220lbs, depending upon my diet and that's a whole different story in itself. This post is focusing just on training and some issues related to training. It's nothing to complicated and just barely scratches the surface.
Before actually starting any exercise in any form I will stretch all major muscle groups from core groups of abs and back and chest, then out to legs and then arms. the routine is in Bill Pearl's book, Getting Stronger. The routine works, I've done it for years and the times I've injured myself are either because I didn't stretch or didn't warm up or simply overtrained.
I cannot overemphasize enough the point of proper and adequate stretching and warming up before any routine to prevent injury, maintain flexibility, and getting the most out of the actual workout routine. Stretching and warming up is primary and fundamental and cannot be skipped. Enough of that, except refer to Bill Pearl's book and actually do it, do it each and every day.
Warming up entails the few minutes between the stretching routine and actual training. One PE course instructor taught me that it is specific to the exercise one will be doing that day and should take about 10-15 minutes. This is to get the body ready for the actual training and to get the heart and lungs going. If one is crunched for time, that could be 1/4- to almost half the time allotted for the training routine. It all depends upon how hard one will train, what kind of training will be done, and how much time on has devoted to the numbers of time and heart rate at the recommended level for ones self.
Warming up for running/jogging/cycling has always been the first mile for me. My muscles and breathing don't get into the flow of it all until I pass that first mile. I'm unable to explain it except that I feel a certain flow with the exercise after that first mile. Maybe it has something to do with the release of endorphins or distance travelled or overcoming some invisible mental block; but for what ever reason, once I'm past that first mile I can go on and on and on like the energizer bunny. If I'm swimming, it's the first couple of laps, I mean from point A to point B and back to point A again. That's one lap, not just one length of the pool.
Jumping rope is one of the best warm ups I've discovered and 20 or so minutes of jump rope alone is adequate aerobic exercise for me. I found an article in Men's Health magazine from an issue in the mid 90's which gives different routines to jazz up a jump rope workout. Twisting side to side with feet together and jumping across a line similair to a down hill ski motion to work the abs, adding a lunge to work the quads and hams, spreading legs as in doing jump jacks to name a few. Toss in running in place and alternating between jumping on one foot and the classic crossover routine to the basic skipping over the jump rope and one has a hell of a warm up routine. Don't jump too high, just enough to clear the rope and mind the surface you're jumping upon. Concrete is the absolute worse because it has no give, asphalt is next worse followed by wood flooring which isn't too bad if one has thick soled running shoes. Best surfaces to jump on are a not too soft exercise mat, rubberized running track, or zebra mat. Crosstrainers or running shoes are important, in fact, adequate soles to absorb the repeated shock are critical to prevent injury to your feet and not coming down to hard on your feet and legs. A slight bend in the knees is also important.
Start out slow and take your time. Learn to do it right and do it right the rest of your life, do it wrong and spend the rest of your life trying to do it right. Go too fast or overtrain and you risk injury. First lay down the foundation of the proper technique of skipping over the rope then jazz it up later. Remember, small bites here and don't get frustrated. Even the most uncoordinated, awful dancer type with little or no rythum like myself can master an effective and safe routine. It just takes time and practice.
Jump ropes come in all manner of types and sizes. The rope should measure from your standing in the middle to just under your arm pits. Any longer and you have too much rope to jump over, any shorter and your knees are coming up too high and taking too much of the impact. Inexpensive ropes of braided rope with swivel handles are good to get started with but I feel don't weigh enough to get the flow of my routine, weighted ropes are just that, weighted ropes and maybe or maybe not too much stress on the arms. I go mid way with a mid price range plastic speed rope, lighter than the weighted muscle beach stuff and a tad heavier that the braided rope and my routine flows like oil. Nice easy motion, good handling and great for an all around warm up/ aerobic technique.
Packs up easy when travelling also. My jump rope has been on cruise ships with me and on long drives I pull over at a park or rest area and get the blood flowing and it keeps me awake for the road. I even have one in my locker at work. Jumping rope is great for getting warmed up with before all the leg work of taekwondo and sparring. It's the essential part of my warm up routine before lifting weights. On my bad days in which I don't have time for much else, I'll just get in 5- 10 minutes of the jump rope routine. I've even named mine, her name's Brumhilda. It's a scandinavian name meaning she who stands by her man, or at least that's what she told me.
Another good warm up routine is the tried and true high school PE class/ US Marine Corps daily seven. Jumping jacks, crunches, pushups, 8 count bodybuilders, mountain climbers, cherry pickers, squats, leg raises, tricep dips, pull ups, running/walking up and down stairs/bleachers and/or any variety of the aforementioned exercises. Sometimes a little tweek like knuckle pushups or decline pushups will make all the difference between an easy exercise or a more challenging one. One of the best books I've found in this regards is Get Tough, the U S special forces physical conditioning program by Tom Fitzgerald. It's an oldie but a goldie. Toss in push ups while standing on your head with a wall for support and some of the wonderful tortures I've picked up in taekwondo and your wieght set will get a nice coat of rust.
The beauty about calisthenics is there's no special equipment but a good pair of running shoes and your imagination. All that's required is your own body mass and the enviorment around you. Be here now and all that good stuff.
There are ankle and wrist weights but I caution the use of these with any sudden fast movement, like kicks or strikes, because too much weight can tear the tendons and ligaments of the major joints. Even a small amount of weight can damage if the joint is not conditioned. I tried a simple kick with a 10lb weight on a my ankle once felt I could have done some serious damage to myself if I had kept at it. Ankle and wrist weights are good accessories for tweeking my basic weight lifting routine a bit or to simply add some resistence to ordinary day to day movement like just plain walking. I wear a pair when doing yard work, like pushing the lawnmower or gardening, or cleaning up around my house; but no sudden fast moves. I wear them before taekwondo class and take them off just before I start and my legs are all loosened up and I can kick good and high. The key here is no sudden powerful moves, just ordinary day to day stuff. Our joints can only take so much stress and the easiest way to damage a joint is to stress it out fast and hard.
One thing about injuries before moving on, injuries hurt and we're "training, not paining". In the end you'll spend more time healing an injury and less time training and reaping the benefits thereof. So keep it slow at first, keep it real, and listen to your body. It will tell you the difference between just a plain old ache and being truly injured. One can expect some initial discomfort, but just that, discomfort - not pain. Over time, as we improve with training, one will notice mental and physical even spiritual improvements and one will notice positive advancements in the body's form and function. working out is just that, working out and not killing ourselves or hurting ourselves. In the end we're looking for a "balance".
Now let's touch on the weight lifting routine, it's real simple. Work the large muscle groups first then the small ones. I personally like the routine of ABS then CHEST, then BACK-LATS, then SHOULDERS. Then I work LEGS - QUADS, HAMS, and CALVES. Then ARMS - TRICEPS, BICEPS, and FOREARMS. That's the full body routine and I keep it to every other day when I do do it. A day between allows the muscle to repair and grow and rest. That's how those guys get big, they add reistence ( weights) and move the muscle slowly and deliberately in a proper way. Then they let the worked/ slightly damaged muscle rest and repair itself and grow. Add in a little more protein in your diet to feed the muscle tissue, water to hydrate, lube and keep healthy; shave off your hair from the eyebrows down and you too can be the governor of an independent party of one of these united states with all sorts of radical ideas and finding yourself on the Oprah Winfrey show. The least you'll get out of it is possibly a movie or book deal and look great at the beach.
Do keep it natural, all those weight gainers, protein supplements, and such can tax the liver and kidneys. I like soy protein because it has less cholesterol than animal protein. Avoid the steroids or any other disguise they use because they can kill. They have long term effects on the heart, brain, liver, kidneys and other stuff you can't afford to live without.
Ladies, keep it natural and light and you will reap all the benefits without getting "too big". Personally I like the way female body builders look, it's a real work of art what those women have accomplished. I don't agree with anyone who says they don't look feminine or appear too masculine. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if a female who can bench press or squat my weight, 220lbs and then some, tells me she's feminine; I'm not argueing with her.
Like calisthenics, weight lifting is also limited to your imagaination and what you can safely do. Whole volumes have been written on the subject and the one I keep is Bill Pearl's Getting Stronger. He touches, in depth and in simple to understand terms with excellent illustrations all sorts of issues from different routines to stretching to rehabilitation of injuries to specific body parts to sports related routines to mental attitudes to cardio to nutrition to all ages from kids to grandparents and so much more. The guy has been doing it for 50+ years and he knows what he's talking about. This book is the core of my fitness library.
Cool down routine. This is as critical as the warm up. You've just warmed up your body put it through some major stresses and now you have to cool it down. For years I had neglected to do this. I like a modified stretch, about half of the pre-workout stretch routine, to cool down with. Even better is some yoga, I say some yoga because a yoga routine can be just as physically demanding as a full on work out. So whatever the cool down routine, just take it easy. One can do some light , and I mean light, calisthenics. I like to cool down with some of my taekwondo forms done slowly and deliberately. This gives me a chance to work on my form, check my stances and specific moves and go from full throttle to nice day to day coasting speed.
The best cool down for any running/cycling/swimming is just that but at a nice slow even pace until I'm just coasting along or walking or floating in the pool. It's essential to return to the pre-work out level of breathing and heart rate and movement without the sudden stop. It's good for the body and it's good for the mind as well.
That's enough for now and there really is so much more to tell but this is the iceing on the cake. I've touched on some stuff deeper than other stuff and whole other postings have yet to be written. Remember, speak to your doctor before starting out any fitness routine. Start out slow and easy and work your way up. Don't get frustrated, physical fitness and training is only half physical - the other half is mental. Have fun, be careful, and enjoy your rewards. More to follow later.

Personal Recipes III

Seeing that I've blogged my protein shake and tortilla recipes, I might as well blog my bean recipe. They're really simple and probably don't need posting but what the hell, I havn't posted anything this month any way.
The secret to great beans is all in the pot or jarro, as I learned it. These are traditional Mexican clay cooking pots found, all through out Mexico I'm sure. I found mine at Juan's Fruit Stand in Raymondville, Texas on Hwy 77. This is the one fruit stand I usually stop at on the way home after my annual run for the border to San Juan, Texas, my mother was with me and she spotted the pot immediately. She's had hers since before I was born and bought it in Tijuana, Mexico when she was a navy wife in San Diego where I was born. Something about that jarro just gives the beans flavor and substance and I don't know what that makes them great.
Beans can be boiled in any container that will hold water- aluminum, steel, cast iron, microwavable plastic, whatever holds boiling water and beans together. But they just won't taste as good if not made up in a jarro. Until I bought one, I used an aluminum pot and it worked out OK but the flavor was just missing something.
It's really simple-first take dried pinto beans, about a third of the bag, depends on how many people you're feeding, and pick out any stones or rocks that may have escaped the factory packing process, then rinse the beans in cold water in a collander. Now soak the rinsed beans for an hour in boiling hot water or overnight in cold water, until they are soft. This isn't absolutely necessary, but soft soaked beans cook faster than dry, straight out of the bag, unsoaked beans.
Boil up water in the pot, how much water depends upon how many beans are in the pot, just enough to cover over the beans a little, about an inch or so over the beans. I boil up water in my tea kettle separately then add it to the beans in the pot, this speeds up the process a bit. Add salt and pepper to taste, except for my tortillas, rice, and beans, I hardly ever use salt in my cooking and don't add salt to my food - healthier living and all that good shit.
Now here is the simple secret and magic which goes into really great beans - add in whatever you want. I usually through in garlic powder or fresh garlic but not both together. I also like basil. There really is no limit to what one can do here. As the water begins to boil, turn down the heat until they just simmer. Cover them up and let them slowly simmer, turning them with a spoon frequently. This is the point one can add onion or sausage or tomatoes, or whatever. DON'T STORE BEANS COOKED WITH ONION BECAUSE THEY DON'T KEEP AS LONG. BEANS COOKED WITH OINION HAVE TO BE EATEN IMMEDIATELY! They are done when they are soft and pink and the house is filled with the aroma of fresh cooked beans. CHECK AND TASTE TEST FREQUENTLY.
As I wrote earlier, there is no limit as to what one can add, just use your imagination and personal taste. I prefer just salt, pepper, garlic, onion, and tomatoe; maybe even basil and sometimes sausage or bacon. Onion I usually add later on because something about onion makes them spoil faster. I like jalapenos also, but my wife and children don't, I'll add them separately.
Now about cooking with a jarro, every new jarro has to be thoroughly cleaned and cured before cooking with. Cleaning is simple, just hot soap and water. Curing involves rubbing cooking oil inside the jarro then filling it with water and boiling the water. This completes the curing process and the jarro is now ready for use.
All jarros vary in size and may or may not sit well atop a gas burner, to remedy this, place a small skillet or griddle or grill or pan or whatever over the burner to hold the jarro. Mine just barely sits on the burner so I have a cast iron sauce pan I seat the jarro in and place it upon the burner. My mother uses a cast iron comal. It doesn't make a difference so long as the jarro doesn't spill when cooking the beans.
Jarros just aren't for beans, one can cook rice, meat, soups, stews, almost anything one would use a pot for cooking of boiling in. It's just traditional earthen cookware, a bit more fragile than cast iron or aluminum or stainless steel or copper or pyrex or plastic, but it does the same and has been around for thousands of years longer. Food cooked and stored in traditional earthware has a unique flavor and taste. I'm certain all cultures have traditional cookware which gives that culture's food and cooking it's unique flavor.
Besides a jarro, I refuse to do without a cast iron comal, skillets, or a wok. Whoever invented the wok was just a pure genius, you can do almost anything with a wok, cooks on electric and gas stoves, light, easy to care for, can be used as a skillet or a pot, just pure and simple genius. They come in aluminum, stainless steel and cast iron. My wife threw mine out after the cover was lost and now I have to get another one. What I really love about the wok is oil and grease gravitates to the center of the wok as one cooks meat, just scoot the meat up to the edges and spoon out the artery-clogging, life-taking, fat-adding, cholesterol-raising, soon to make my wife a widow if her driving doesn't do it first, drippings out as the meat cooks.
There you have it, my beans recipe. It's not a lot and it's real simple, but that's the beauty of it. The secret and magic ingredient is your imagination. Well, maybe the jarro is the secret ingredient, who really knows? I just know my beans are great.

Personal Recipes II

What kind of a Mexican uses a written recipe to make tortillas? Aren't our mothers, tias, and grandmothers supposed to teach us this since we were knee high? I'll bet my grandmothers are rolling in their graves as I type this, at least I waited until after Dia Del Los Meurtos. I guess I'm doing this for posterity or because my daughters are being real hard headed right now and one day, after I'm dead and gone, they'll have something to refer to when they get the hankering for fresh homemade flour tortillas or if they should think about their father. This is my sister's recipe, I'm sure she learned it from our mother. It was our mother who handed the recipe to me! Mom, what were you thinking! Did you think your son forgot? Was I drinking? I've known how to make fresh homemade flour tortillas since I left home but I can't remember when was the last time I made them. Anyway, the recipe feeds a family of five real easy and they did come out great. The only thing I can think of which I feel is indispensible and critical to this recipe, but can probably be substituted, is a cast iron comal. Plancha is spanish for griddle as defined in the Merriam Webster English-Spanish, Spanish-English dictionary but in my mother's house and in my grandmother's, we called it a comal. I thought a plancha was the iron we used to iron our clothes?A large cast iron skillet may work, I havn't tried. I do have an aluminum comal I bought in Tijuana, Mexico when I was in the navy, a lifetime ago it seems, but it doesn't cook as well as good old fashioned, tried and true cast iron. No wonder, it seems, every good Mexcan wife/mother has cast iron cookware in her kitchen. Cast iron cooks great, not a weapon of opportunity when trying to kill their husbands/sons. Cast iron skillets do make great shields when parrying off butcher knife attacks from pissed off wives/girlfriends/mistresses though; two are better than one, one in each hand and just lead her a little. Mind your footwork. Enough personal relationship bullshit, I transcribe the recipe here as I find it on the little 3X5 inch index card it's on, parenthesis are my own commentary/additions.

"Always pray first so God can bless your fruit Amen. "( I pray everyday, it's good for you.)
Preheat hot plate med heat. ( I aways preheat the comal on high, then turn the heat down. This is why I'm always kicking my girls out of the kitchen, unless I'm trying to teach them how to cook.)
Full Recipe 7 3/4 - 8 cups all purpose floor (not the self rising rising type, they'll come out hard, not soft)
1/2 tablespoon baking powder ( I prefer little clabber girl brand )
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 - 3/4 cup crisco
2 1/4 (cups) or so hot water
Blend flour, baking powder, salt. Then add crisco. Work in and then add hot water kneading to form dough. Make fist size balls( I make little palm size balls, they roll out to the size of a plate) let stand so it will rise. Around 5-10 minutes. Put a clothe over the balls. Roll out flat, place on hot plate, when done on first side turn to other side when done turn one time. Hints : sift flour before you start to blend and sift together so you(r) tortillas can come out fluffy and real soft(real important). Reason you turn them only two times, they will not get hard when cooled down. Place down on hot plate when cooked turn to other side, when cooked turn one last time(just pay attention to what you're doing so they don't burn and mind the heat
.). They are done.
half recipe - 4 cups flour
1/4 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup crisco
1 1/4 cup or so hot water.

Anyway there you have it, fresh homemade flour tortillas to fatten up skinny children, impress anglo friends/spouses, and so you can also make - BUENELLOS! Buenellos are simply fried tortillas with cinnamon and sugar sprinkled all over them, great treat for around the holidays and traditionally for good luck at New Years. Simply roll out the tortilla and instead of cooking them on a comal, fry it up in hot oil. Bon Apetit!

Is It Just Me or Is The House Shaking A Lot More When The Train Passes By Lately

We live in a small two bedroom, one bath, very old house situated on a my own itty bitty piece of Texas between the railroad tracks and Hwy 6 in beautiful vibrant Hitchcock. Some time early this year, the railroad laid new track and it seems to me that the trains have been flying up and down the new track a whole lot faster. I grew up in the house next door and even lived in this one until my parents were divorced. These properties were my grandfather's and I remember the passing train and the sight, sounds and shakes as one of my earliest memories.
In 1986 I moved into this house and in 1989, 1990 or so my brother moved in and we shared this house up until I married in December 1991 so I am intimately familiar with the passing train; it's a part of my surroundings as the grass is green and the sky is blue and the rain is wet. I'm so used to it, a passing train won't wake me at night but I can distinctly hear a car stopping in my driveway or the gate latch clinking as someone opens it. Go figure.
My big deal is, I sit in my house or lay on my bed and as the train passes my house seems to shimmy and shake a lot more than what I'm used to. I even went outside to see if there was any other conceivable cause and as I looked at the train flying by it seemed to actually blur a little. I had difficulty focusing on the stenciling on the sides of the train cars. Maybe it's just my vision growing older as I knock on 40 years old? I remember being able to actually focus somewhat clear on the train car stenciling. I remember focusing on the individual train cars but they just seem to blur now. Sure hope the shaking isn't causing any structural damage to my little house. It's the only home I have.
My grandmother used to say that if the trains were carrying a particularly heavy load, the house would shake a lot more than usual. No one else has even mentioned the increased shaking to me in casual conversations, I havn't mentioned it to anyone either. I don't won't to come off as some fruitcake with ultra sensitive sensations or conspiracy theory material or such.
I am knocking on 40 years old this next year and I have noticed changes in my near vision. I notice if I take my glasses off and read my watchface the numbers are more clear. I don't feel any headaches or eye pain or see any floaters or any other significant change, but I probably have been holding my reading material closer as I read. I chalk it up to computer screen eye strain. As I type this I am not wearing glasses and can see the screen quite clear.
Still, normal changes in vision shouldn't make the house shimmy and shake as it does. Do people become more sensitive to movement as we grow older? Just what the hell is going on here! Trains flying down the rairoad tracks at almost light speed, my house shimmying and shaking like two elephants mating in the jungle and my vision starting to go on me. Must be logging off now and get ready for work and such and beside s, my wife and daughters just walked in the door so there goes my peace and quiet. The sooner I get on the road to work, the sooner I'll get a semblence of peace and quiet, maybe even read a book or play some chess.

Still More Ramblings and Musings and Such

It's September and, at least, it isn't as hot anymore. Rainy morning today, God knows we need it, my garden needs it. I really should get out there and put out some plant food. I'll get to it eventually.
Tired, I just came home from work, same old bullshit. There are nights when I wonder why I'm still hanging around there. Maybe it's time for me to go find a new job. Change is good.
Taekwondo goes along well, it's not fun anymore, not with my family anyway. I'm ready to kick it up a notch. I'm ready to advance my training in a way I know my wife wants nothing to do with and my children may or may not be able to keep up. I shouldn't under estimate their abilities but they're aren't showing me any commitment or dedication to the sport. Certainly not voicing any desire to kick it up a notch. Maybe I need to be a bit more patient. I don't see myself quiting martial arts in any form or fashion now and I only wish I had done this earlier in life. Better late than never and Rome wasn't built in a day, so I remain patient with my training and my family. I don't push them too much. I know them well enough.
When I go to class with my wife she complains too much and is always making some remark or other. The woman doesn't know when to remain silent. I just don't feel like showing up to a class with children and adults mixed and the adults only class clashes with my work schedule. Too bad they won't fire up the do jhong at 0700 or so 7 days a week. That would be great. Instead they open up at 1400, right in the middle of my sleep time. Sometimes they have class at lunchtime, but once again that's right in the middle of my sleep time. It's hell trying to juggle working nights when the rest of the world works on an opposite shift. These people shut down on Sundays too, that's a damn shame, and the last class is usually on or about 1900 or so. If they would fire up at 0700, I could be their almost every morning, If they would open up 7 days a week, that would be grand too. But they have lives too I suppose.
Taekwondo isn't one of those things one can learn exclusively from a book of watching a DVD. It requires a living breathing trained and experienced human being in a proper setting with proper tools. So I do what I can when I can and I'm constantly reassured by my instructors that I am doing well.
I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and take a hot shower and relax. Maybe even get some leisure reading done. I know I need to balance the checkbook and get some gas in the truck. If I'm lucky I might even get laid or at least a blow job!

More Ramblings and Musings and Such

It's August and in southeast Texas that means humid, and hot and shitty all day long and the heat and shittiness continues into the evening hours. It just hangs there in the Texas air like a wet blanket soaked in hot water. Temps might just be in the 90's but with the heat index it feels like the 100's. The heat outside actually makes my skin feel like it's frying up in a pan sort of the way bacon fries up in a skillet. It's just plain and simple hot and shitty, good thing I'm Mexican; not too many others would be able to tolerate this.
Yesterday I took some time for me and took the bicycle up to the museum district in Houston. There are quite a few free musums like the Menil collection and the Contemporary Arts museum all within a few blocks radius of each other. The real meat of this little trip were the three chapels I like to visit, the Rothko chapel, the Byzantine frescoes chapel, and the chapel of St. Basil on the UST campus. The chapel of St. Basil even has a nice outdoor labrynith surrounded by rose gardens and crowned with three water fountains right next to it. It's a beautiful and prayerful oasis in the middle of Houston's hurly burly and always rushing city life. The chapel of St. Basil is topped off with a beautiful gold dome reminiscent of the domes in Jerusalem and the middle east. The exterior reiminds one of a white tent with the entrance folded back like the housing for the Ark of the Covenant must have been as the Israelites roamed in the desert during the exodus.
Inside, is a single cross shaped blue glass window on the western facing wall and, when the setting sun strikes the glass, an image of the cross is projected onto the eastern wall. It's a Roman Catholic university and this chapel has the Stations of the Cross cut into the wall, not mounted of carved, but cut into the wall so that as the light hits the individual stations the shadows form the images of Christ in His Passion. I've never seen anything like this before in any church I've visited. I've seen some beautiful carved marble Stations of the Cross and even life sized cast bronze ones at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Virgen Of San Juan in San Juan, Texas on a trail outdoors, but these are beautiful and all hidden away in a little chapel of a university in Houston, Texas. What other spiritual treasures this city must have?
The Rothko chapel, an all faiths chapel right next door to the UST campus and only a short walk away. This very simple and spiritual place has no affiliation with any one organized religion and yet is connected to the roots of all them. Want to feel the presence of God, go there. Just go in and sit silently as the Psalm says,"Be still and know that I am God." No images, no music, no reminders of any one faith yet all faith is there. When I enter into the place all I can initially hear is the roar of my spirit inside. The roar of everything else in my life connected to me. Then, like muddied water left to sit still, it eventually clears. My spirit finds a certain peace and calmness I'll only find when I'm alone in a church. It's eerie at first, we're not used to such silence, yet our spirits cry out for it. It's the space and the silence and the spiritual simplicity which makes this place appeal to me. Brought my wife there once and the first words out of her mouth were "How do you worship in here?"; this from a woman who reads her Bible daily, even twice daily.
Next door and across the street is the Byzantine frescoes chapel, this is an Eastern Orthydox Chapel I believe also designed by Mark Rothko, the artist who designed the aforementioned Rothko chapel. The jewel in the crown of this beautiful tiny place of prayer are the ancient frescoes of the angels and saints rescued from a chapel in Cyprus. These wonderful priceless masterpieces must be at least a thousand years old are beautifully restored. I'll arch my neck straight up and admire the work for so long my neck will begin to ache. The interior is laid out in the shape of a cross and is of black basalt or other stone, so watch as you step. It is dark inside and the frescoes in the ceiling seem to be the only light yet there are candles burning. Outside is a simple meditation garden surrounded by a high concrete wall which seems to block out the city outside. There is a small fountain flowing which actually runs under the chapel and out front into a pool. The simple meditative space has a single oak tree growing in the center. I love visiting here and on this trip, I took shelter here inside when a sudden thunderstorm blew up and the rain and the lightening fell. No sense in getting killed just to get some "me time" out unprotected on a bicycle. How the hell am I going to explain that to my wife?
I topped this trip off with a quick trip to the Contemporary Arts museum before heading home. This is something I need to get into to make a buck. How does one get together a bunch of junk and throw it together on the floor and call it art worthy to have a 250lb guard watch me as I admire it? I visit here and enjoy the art but mostly I'll enjoy watching the people who come in here and look at the art. They could call themselves modern art masterpieces.
The real sense of accomplishment for today was just taking some bamboo trimmings from outside the Rothko chapel and a trimming from an outdoor sculpture garden at a nearby art museum and planting them out. I've always admired bamboo and have wanted some in my garden for some time now. One has to be careful with this stuff because it's actually a grass and can get out of control if not tended to. It should make a nice screen in my backyard and maybe I'll plant some besides the railroad tracks to screen out the unsightly train. Only God knows and more to follow about that later.

My First Real Poetry Reading!

Went to my first real poetry reading last week. I'm not talking about the Right Thoughts Poetry Group which meets at Rosenberg Library in Galveston, I'm talking about a group of people from all walks of life who meet in a coffee shop with jazz music in the background, low light, and so many people packing the place full that one has to stand up because all the seats are taken. It was great, no holds barred, real poetry like something out of a Jack Kerouac novel.
It was at the Y'a Bon Village coffee house in the really poor part of town in Galveston, we're talking just across the street from public housing projects, drug dealers and prostitutes on the corners, the part of Galveston one doesn't see most other locals and certainly no tourists. It was great, I didn't want to leave my truck parked out on the street for fear that someone was going to break into it. The coffee house is built into what was once a crack house before it was gutted and reborn into this great little island of beat and pure expression and everyone getting along. No drugs, no alcohol, no one acting out, just everyone meeting to share their poetry.
We each had three minutes at the mike and the lights were low and one felt the energy from the crowd radiating up toward the poet and their work. Fingers were snapped as certain passages met with approval and the applause came up like a wave when the croud really was pleased. Each of us reciting was introduced to a hearty " bring him up, bring him up!" chanted from the crowd. Tha a/c was overworked with so many people in such a small space and the sweat poured from me. I didn't want it to end.
I stepped up to the mike and read three of mine. The first one I read was "Before I was Born" followed by "Now", which was well received. I wrapped up with "Poetry In Motion", which received the best response. I must admit I was initially nervous, but once up there, old training took over and I feel I did well. Somethings one doesn't forget and public speaking with Mr. Martin in high school just flooded back. I'm sure to improve as I go to more of these.
One woman from Houston sang her poems and has two cd's out. Another young lady, with some obvious theatre training behind her, stepped up to the mike and literally acted out her poem. Hers was full of passion and power and she only recited one. Most of the young black men read their work to a hip hop beat. I don't care much for hip hop, but their message and work was amazing, many of these youngsters could rival any high paying popular act and their poetry was certainly better quality than what I've heard of modern hip hop on the radio.
At the end of the two hours or so I left with a new sense of life in me instilled by these poets and their poetry. I certainly have a new hunger for poetry as I havn't felt before. I can't wait to go back for the next one. Open mic poetry, it's great.

Personal Recipes I

Mike's Get Big and Ugly Protein Shake or Oh Shit, I'm Late For Work Again and No Time For A Full Meal Shake!


Ingredients: 1 whole frozen banana, (the almost perfect food).
1/4 cup strawberries, melon or any favorite fruit, also preferably frozen.
1 scoop soy protein, I use Advantage/EAS brand from wal mart - it's cheap and inexpensive.
1 heaping cup instant oatmeal, I use dollar general brand - it's real cheap and real inexpensive.
1/3 cup dry milk, fresh milk is too expensive and with three girls in my house the milk doesn't last long anyway.
1 (individuals choice of size) spoonful of honey, a good pure simple sugar and not refined.
1 container ( 6-8ozs.) low fat yogurt, optional, but the cultures are good for your GI tract and a good source of calcium.
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, supposed to be good for preventing diabetes ( so the herbalists and some research says).
water, 1-1 1/2 cups, depends upon how thick you want this concotion to be, use Hitchcock, Texas tap water - adds flavor.


Throw it all in a blender on high for about a minute and gulp it all down. Toss in the oatmeal as is from the container, don't concern yourself with cooking it, good source of fiber. Be sure to drink lots of water, 2-3L/day, it's good for you. I'm sure you can add whatever else to the mix to suit your personal taste, I usually follow up with a good strong cup of coffee. Bon appetit!

Good Rum

It's June now and what have I been doing lately? Don't really give a shit right now, took the last of the bacardi gold rum, some pineapple juice, a few ice cubes , and let the blender do the rest. I am feeling no pain right now and am having to go back and correct all the typos as I key the keyboard and type this. At least I can still proof read .It's been a busy month with work, still a big shit hole, why do I stay there? Having a hard time getting rest, I sleep well enough, just don't feel rested. I don't know. Maybe I should write some more poetry? I think all I need is a good party, some down time, and a good workout. Maybe a three mile beach run is in order here? I'm having a hard time getting my shit together, some days are better than others, I think I wrote a poem to that effect? I know I wrote a pretty good one about my dick titled - I Love My Dick. I'm working on a sequel called - I Still Love My Dick, have some really great material but have been bogged down with writers block lately. Must be logging off now, hte rum is getting the best of me - no, just don't feel like blogging right now. More to follow later.

Sorry So Late

Just got back from a week long cruise to the westeren carribbean and in the hurly burly of getting ready for the cruise I havn't been paying much attention to my blog. Sorry about that, sports fans so here goes for the month of april!
It was certainly a busy one with a visit from my father and one of my cousins and a poetry reading which I missed and getting my purple belt in taekwondo and getting ready for this cruise. I really needed a vacation. Well, now I'm back and I still need a vacation but the reality is my wife and children and mother all had a great time, I got the chance to get away, and now it's back to buisness as usual. Now let's break this down.
My father came back home, he's from this part of Texas but has been living in New Mexico for the last few years now. It's the first time I've seen him in a couple of years and it's always great to see him. He looks well, has since shaved of the beard I've always remembered him with and is sporting a tattoo band over his bicep. What's with the tattoo, Dad, midlife crisis! Anyway we spent the day together, had lunch, cruised around Galveston island for a bit, and looking for a part for my truck. I remembered he used to drink beer so I bought a 12 pack, but neither he nor my brother touched a single one so I polished off the 12 pack myself. What's with these guys, does getting older and living apart make one not want to drink? I would of that a good father and sons drinking session would have been in order seeing how we havn't all been together in the same place for a long while. All the same, my father went to a ball game with my brother, saw his granddaughters and we spent some good quality time together. I only wish I could go to New Mexico to see him but I'm tied up with an upcoming cruise. Besides the logistics and money for a family of two adults and three children will have to leave that visit for another time. I do hope to go out there so my girls can see something of the mountains. I just want to see my Dad, he's a great guy.
We tested out for our purple belts but I brain farted midway through the form so I hope sahbumnim is merciful with me. Truth is my mind was on the cruise and the western carribbean and not on ATA taekwondo. We go back tommorrow and see what happens, maybe the trinkets I bought in Jamaica and on the ship will help? We should have waited for after the cruise to test but it would have been the same, you're either prepared for such a test or you're not. At the that particular time, taekwondo was not on my mind; but jamaican rum, sandy beaches, clear blue sea, ancient mayan ruins and shipboard antics were all I was thinking about.
The Write Thoughts Poetry group I'm with had an evening of poetry reading and a display of local Galveston island themed poetry but I had to work. I later saw the poem I had submitted on display before we left for the cruise. I hope it's still up when I get back there because I want a picture of it.
Now for the meat of the matter, a week long cruise to Jamaica, Grand Cayman island and Cozumel, Mexico! We went on the Conquest out of Galveston, my family and my mother. It's her first time out of the country except for little mexican border towns and it was my daughter's first time out on a cruise ship. It was the second time out for my wife and I. If anyone deserved a vacation they did, I just like to get away for a while and see new things.
It took us two days at sea just to get to Jamaica and it was a wonderful sailing, the food wasn't as good as the Raphsody of the Seas of the the Royal Carribbean line but they still feed you like a king and the service was great. The Conquest is a huge ship, much bigger than the Rhaphsody so you don't feel the sea as much, it's not as personable as a smaller ship. I'll take the sea for a more personable experience, but I digress. My wife and girls literally camped out poolside, my mother did too but I think she relaxed more than the rest of us and that's what counts. I worked out in the gym and ran laps on deck, if you've never lifted dumbbells over your head or run on a rolling deck at sea you really should at least once. Wonderful test of balance and coordination with 40lbs over your head.
I did get sick for the first time at sea, contracted a noro virus from somewhere. When one is among 2000 plus passengers and 1000 plus crew in the clos confines of a ship illness travels like wildfire. It doesn't matter how clean you try to be, when this fucker bites it bites hard and holds on tight for a day or two and makes your life miserable with diarrhea, nausea, aches and pains and such. It hit me overnight between Jamaica and Grand Cayman Island but I did not pay some five thousand dollars, weeks of preparation, and travel a thoussand miles or so just to let some bug keep me in my bed! No way, I motrined myself up to control the low grade fever, hydrated myself with lots of water, and grabbed the bull by the balls and made it get on the tender then on the beach and I did get ashore to Grand Cayman island! The american dollar doesn't go far in Grand Cayman, only about 68 cents or so on the dollar, so we just walked around the duty free shops and stayed close to the ship.
Same thing with Jamaica, my wife and mother were really put off with the locals around the pier so we just hung around the shops then came back on the ship. I really wanted to go into town and see the sights or hang out with the crew at Doctors Cave beach. We would have had to travel by bus and Jamaica can be a dangerous place but I felt we would have been fine sticking close to the the other passengers and crew going ashore but the wife and mother would have none of it. So we came back on board, so much for my first time on the beautiful island of Jamaica
Cozumel was a better experience, I paid 229 dollars for a tour of the Mayan ruins in Tulum. My wife and I were here the last time, I really wanted to come back and I wanted the girls to see something one only reads about in books or sees on the Discovery channel, it was just too damn expensive for everyone so I took the older two girls and my wife, mother, and youngest daughter went shopping in Cozumel. The ruins are a wonderful and spiritual place and I am always in awe of the Mayan culture and the beauty of the place. I just couldn't stay away and this time I had my children with me; it was perfect. More to come on that later on a whole other entry.
I didn't engage in too many ship board antics, went up to the adults only deck once to sunbathe but Dana didn't want to go, I did bring my own rum this time so I always had a full lflask with me when at poolside or anywhere else on deck. Read some, wrote some poetry, including a great one about the couple in the cabin next ours. Dana didn't want to go dancing so I took it upon myself to dance with the other drunks to Bob Marley music at the poolside, she danced some but only on the periphery of the rest of our merry band. The rest of the cruise I'll have to write about some other time.
My head is still rolling to the motion of the ship as I type this and we are back at home, thanks to God. The girls go back to school tomorrow, I have a yard to cut, and life goes on.

CPR Kills!

This is no shit, CPR kills! I've been nursing for seven years now, 14 if you count the 7 years I spent as an unlicensed HTA and nearly 20 if you toss in the 4 and a half years I spent as a Hospital Corpsman in the navy and I have yet to see a case when CPR was initiated and the patient lived to tell about it. In fact, the only cases I've seen survive were the testemonials on the CPR instructional videos.

Maybe it's because the ones I've had to do CPR on were really sick, eaten up with cancer, or just to injured to make it; but I can't recall one who made it. I've seen them come back with advanced life support, electrocardioconversion, administration of epinephrine or atropine or other drugs, but not ever with CPR alone. I just had to do CPR last week on some poor guy who was eaten up with colon cancer. He didn't make it.

It was pretty ugly, to tell the truth. I must have cracked every rib in the poor son of a bitch's body and I'll venture to say I punctured a lung, lacerated a liver and God only knows what other damage was done as we tried to resucitate him. When it's my time to go - let me go. No CPR, no extensive life saving measures. Only God knows when it's our time and I only hope and pray I still have the facility of mind and body to make a decision about my own do not resucitate status before I lose my facilities .

I look at a do not resucitate order as a death with dignity decision. My grandmother did it and she died in her own home surrounded by her family quietly and as pain free as we could make her. My grandfather died some 40 days later in the hospital quite suddenly, we really didn't expect him to go, and the nurses coded him and did everything in their power to bring him back. I'm only glad I wasn't there to see it because I've coded people and it's not a pretty sight. When I came into the room they were just wheeling out the crash cart, had just declared him dead, and me - I go into clinical ER phase. I whip out my stethescope, assess the situation as I've been trained to do, and immediately search for a pulse, respirations, the whole nine yards. All the time there's this little voice in the back of my head saying" Mike, he's gone, you know he's gone, just let him go. There isn't a thing in your human power you can do no matter how much you love him." Let me tell you people, DNR ( do not resucitate) is the way to go.

Each and every DNR case I've had to care for has gone quietly and as pain free as we could possibly do. Surrounded by loved ones and people who care. I've watched them die, it's not easy, but it's a lot easier knowing that dying is very much a part of living and I did my best to make their passing as comfortable and easy as possible. Dying is hard, it's as hard as birth and being born. It's hard on the people one leaves behind, the nurses caring for the dying and, of course ,it's hard on the dying. The good news is - they're dead and in a better place, we're still here and have to contend with living.

You don't ever get used to it, I'll not ever get used to it. To get used to it is to be inhuman and unfeeling and I'm not like that. I may grow calloused to it and surround myself in my little shell, but it beats the hell out of drinking, doing drugs, or any of a number of other nightmares one can fall into in the guise of coping. I'm convinced all nurses suffer from some degree of post traumatic stress disorder.

I rarely discuss work at home with my wife, no matter how bad I want to. It's not worth all the explaining, making her worry, going back over the experience, no don't bring work home. I'll just come in, take a shower and go to bed. If the event was particularly traumatic or bad I might have one or two good stiff drinks to take the edge off but that's it - no more because then you're just opening the door to a much worse nightmare. I might discuss work with my mother-in-law, but she's a nurse with over 30 years experience. I might even talk shop with my co-workers out of work, but I try not to do that too much because then I'm just bringing work out of work and that's not good.

I do keep a journal, I do keep up with this blog and I'm happy and grateful to God I can cope effectively enough. I pray my rosary daily, it's good therapy and without it I'd probably be strung out on the bottle or worse. When I run or cycle or swim my thoughts might wander to work and what's happened there but I'm able to look it in the face and not run from it. I can still walk back into the unit and do my job, I can still go back into the very rooms where all the unpleasantness happened and work. I don't linger or let thoughts linger. I move on with my life and work. Thank God I'm not haunted by the spirits of those who have passed. I pray that they have forgiven me and that they go on to the light to heaven. I pray for each and every one I've had to care for in some way form or fashion who has died.

When I die, I hope and pray it's with dignity, pain free as possible, and that the passing is as good and easy as was the birth. After all, dying is very much a part of living.